I want to share with you my personal testimony so that you can know my journey of faith in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I read Wikipedia so much I thought I would do it Wikipedia style. (more personal of course) Plus, you can jump to the parts you want to read about. Sorry its long, but if you are committed to reading this blog, then I wanted you to know about the one who is writing it!
Early Life
I grew up in a Christian home were my family believed that it was important to go to church. I had a loving mom and dad. They both wanted the best for me and always sacrificed what they could so that I would have a healthy, stable life. I was happy and loved, but little did I know at an early age that the Lord really wasn't in the center of our little family. Dont misunderstand that I am thankful for my parents and had a WONDERFUL childhood. They believed in Jesus and never hindered my faith in Him, but a walk with the Lord wasn't my family's first priority. I am sure that I heard the gospel many times as a child. My "Granddaddy Bobby" (as I lovingly call him) shared it with me a few times as a child, and really that is my first memory of hearing it. It wasn't until I went to Kanakuk Kamps, when I was 11 years old, that it finally clicked. My counselor shared the gospel with me after our nightly devos I knew that I was a sinner and that I needed Jesus Christ, so right there on the top bunk of barn 5 at K-4 (now called K-Kountry) I asked Jesus into my heart. This summer changed my life, but I went home that summer (1989) and continued living my life as any 11-year-old would.
The School Years
In school I made it my priority to be a good girl, not necessarily a godly girl. My grades were great, I was super involved, I didn't drink or party, and I had great friends. Due to a damaged youth program I did not have an outlet that encouraged me in my faith. God really used Kanakuk Kamps every summer to teach me the word, and challenge me. I remember a few devos and a few talks from my time at kamp, but what I remember the most were the staff. In Lawton, OK there was no one (that I knew at least :) that was as committed to the Lord as these people. They were fun and they loved the Lord. I looked up to those girls more than they would ever know. I hope I get to tell them someday. It was their example that the Lord used to guide me when no one else was there in my life. I had a few best friends that also believed in Jesus as well. They were also crucial in making it through highschool! The end of my sophomore year I started dating an older guy that was going off to college. I, like most christian highschool girls, was all about the high standard of dating in theory, but when the good-looking, popular boy came along that thought I was cute ....those standards went out the door. He was a great guy, but we didn't put ourself in great circumstances. I have no idea where he is in life but I am sure he is doing well with a wonderful family. The reality is, we were both in highschool, we were influenced by the world, and we had no idea how to control our emotions at age 16/18. We both believed in Jesus but those values didn't guide our actions. What I wanted trumped what I knew to be what Christ wanted for me. All that to say, for a year and a half I compromised. I was living for me, and really stuck in a relationship that didn't point me to the Lord. It affected every aspect of my faith. Finally, the summer before my senior year, my counselor at K-2 spoke truth into my life and I went home ready to be different. To do so, I had to end relationships that were not glorifying to the Lord. I had given a little bit of myself to him and it was harder than I thought. It took a few months but I finally realized what was important to me, my faith, and "threw off every hindrance that entangled me" (Heb 12:1) and started striving to run with endurance.
The College Years
I was invited to a biblestudy by the daughter of one my parents long time family friends. She was the sister of my best friend and she was really committed to her faith. I couldn't go to kamp that summer so I was glad that she invited me. At age 18, this was my first consistent bible study. I had never experienced the fellowship and accountability like this outside of Kanakuk. I loved it. It was a pivotal part of me making my faith my own. Lea Anne did something simple, and I don't think she realized it. She showed me, that what I found for two weeks at Kanakuk, could be found anywhere. I could have found it all thru highschool. It was when I got rid of the junk in my life that I was able to find it. I went to college and was firm in my commitment to make my relationship with Christ #1.
My freshmen year I fell back into being the good girl, not the godly girl. This path was again leading me to making "self" driven decisions instead of God directed decisions. I was focused on going to medical school, and grades were my only priority. I would go to Christian organizations, but I was not pursuing God's word at all. I started dating an athlete at my school. (I am living proof that two christians dating doesn't mean its a great relationship) I joined the same sorority as my summer biblestudy leader and she pulled me aside and called me out on the path I was following. I rebuked it...didn't listen, but boy did it stick with me. Then, I did what every former kamper of Kanakuk Kamps wants to do...I became a counselor at Kanakuk. I packed my trunk and headed toward Branson Missouri for 6 weeks of the most life changing summer since I started going there. This time, I was the one who would be teaching others. This time I would be the example. I remember a speaker during staff training week challenging me in 1 Corinthians 11:1. He said that this summer our ministry would simply be asking kids to "Follow me, as I follow Christ" He (well, really God through Him) dropped a huge bomb on me. I put myself in a position to be an example but I was not living a life worth following. The crazy thing is that I watched God use me in ways I could never have imagined. I was unqualified, broken, and unfaithful, yet...the Lord still loved me enough to use me. The only way I can describe His power working within me is by imagining what it felt for Peter to take a step of faith, get out of the boat, and experience God's power by walking on water. The 1989 summer at Kanakuk forever changed my life, but this summer changed the perspective in which I view life. I went home and committed to knowing God's word daily. I committed to be single until the Lord brought the right person into my life, and I committed to always putting myself in situations that would have a purpose bigger than myself. I chose Philippians 1:20-21 as my motivational life verse (basically, my ultimate goal in all endeavors):
"....according to my earnest expectation and hope, that I will not be put to shame in anything, but that with all boldness, Christ will even now, as always, be exalted in my body, whether by life or death. For me to live is Christ and to die is gain."
I chose Acts 4:13 as my operational verse (my method in accomplishing my ultimate goal)...
"Now as they observed the confidence of Peter and John and understood that they were uneducated and untrained men, they were amazed, and began to recognize them as having been with Jesus."
This verse was huge in the beginning of my love for the word. The only way I knew to truly be with Jesus, is spend time with Him in His word.
Ministry
My ministry began as a counselor at Kanakuk, but I chose to continue ministry with kids back at school. I was leading a bible study of my peers in my sorority, which I loved, but I knew that I had a passion for sharing the gospel with kids. My testimony was a huge part of this calling because it was a kid ministry that God used as an anchoring point in my life. Matthew 18: 4 states that "whoever humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." The bible tells us we are made to be in a relationship with the Lord. Jesus basically tells us that in your childhood you are most open to hearing about it. Children are teachable and ready to love and learn. I believe they truly are the most natural resource for the gospel. Matthew 3:5-6 states that "whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me; but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea." All my best friends were passionate about changing the college culture in the name of Christ. I love that aspect of ministry but I just kept looking around at the people around me in college and thought "what made these people stumble in the first place?" Most everyone, like me, has a stumbling block in their testimony that enables the sin within them and causes them to go the wrong direction. What if we got ahead of the game and set the foundation of Christ in people at a young age? I decided to volunteer for a youth ministry called K-Life. I eventually decided not to go through with medical school (much to my family's dismay) and chose a career with K-life full-time. I was pursuing medicine for the wrong reasons, and I have never regretted this decision in any way. God could have used me as a doctor, but He had placed a call on my life and I am so thankful I was obedient.
The Hard Times
I have been truly blessed in life, but I have had my fair share of tough times. The biggest struggle was when my parents got divorced when I was 21 years old. It rocked my world. It came out of no where, and there are wounds there that the Lord is still healing. I love my parents, but my eyes were opened to the belief systems that guided their life at that time. They were not the same as mine, and it was hard. I failed at ministry with family in so many ways, mostly by judging them and not praying for them. I was ready to be the bible scholar and tell them how they were going against God's will, yet I forgot that they were people with wounds and feelings. My family needed prayer and love FIRST from their daughter. I didn't allow the Holy Spirit to guide me in speaking truth. He would have known how to do it the right way. I have had to ask for forgiveness and literally start new. It has been a journey but I have learned so much from it all. It is clear to me why God does not allow divorce. It leaves wounds on all involved. It truly hinders a person's ability of being a true messenger of reconciliation. This was true in not only my parents relationship, but also in my relationship with them. Divorce has caused me to walk through some of my adult life believing there are some relationships that could not be reconciled. This is a lie All people and relationships can be reconciled in Christ, no matter how "bad" the person or how bad the relationship. If Christ isn't powerful enough for all sin and brokenness, then why believe in Him at all? Do I think my parents relationship could have been reconciled? Yes, I do. It was not my decision, but theirs. Coming to that conclusion is tough as a child of divorce. You can have a say, but in the end...its not your decision. I love my parents. They are both remarried to people who I love. Divorce was not the right choice, but God has taught me that He can use anyone who turns to Him at any point in their life. My parents have both wholeheartedly turned to the Lord and I have seen God work all things through the good of those who love Him. God has shown me the damage of divorce and I know that I never want to put my children through that experience. My standard for marriage and dating changed for the better through it all. I wasn't going to settle for marrying a Christian, but instead set my heart only on the person that God had for me. I knew that my single life would mean much prayer, patience and pickiness. As a wife I have learned that it takes just as much, if not more, committment when you are married. I am not above the sin of divorce, but I am prayerfully striving to do all I can to make sure I always approach my marriage from a biblical point of view, and love my spouse in the way the Lord loves me.
Stuck on Image
One huge part of my testimony is my struggle with my image. I never was diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I, at one time in my life, was consumed with having the perfect image. My family, as loving as they are, struggles with being an image driven family. My family has grown so much in the Lord, but growing up I felt the pressure to look pretty, be a good person, have it all together, and do well in all I did. My parents and family are very talented and I was held to high expectations. There is nothing wrong with being held to high expectations, but when all your expectations are based on temporal earthly goals...it becomes consuming. My pursuit of being the perfect person wore me down because life is really not in our control. When life became out of control (divorce, family death, stress) I chose to control the one thing that I felt I could, my body. I was consumed with what I ate and how I exercised. One of my summers was my lowest point but I was surrounded at Kanakuk by people who knew that I didn't want to live my life this way. With much accountability and some hard conversations the Lord got me back on track. Getting turned in the right direction is hard, but really when its done, it's the easiest part. Staying on track is what is tough. I truly believe I was able to stay on track only by the Lord and His power. He restored me by enabling the following:
My Life Now
A few years of full-time youth ministry with K-Life Ministries taught me about discipleship, character, building into others, investing in a community, and how to have eternal vision. I loved my job in Arkansas but God had a plan to move me to Branson to work full-time for Kanakuk Kamps as the Assistant Director at K-1. I am still working here and committed to the goal of "revolutionizing the next generation for Christ." It was here that I met the man who the Lord had for me and I have been married for 5 years. Lee daily teaches me so much about my relationship with the Lord as we have set out to do life together. He is my companion and I am thankful that I get to walk with the Lord alongside of him. My love for the word continues to grow. I started this daily journey of reading it at age 21 and I just keep learning more and more. I am daily convinced of God and who He is. I am excited to learn about Him in so many more ways. We are living in the age of the deceiver who wants nothing but destruction for our lives. The Truth of Jesus Christ sits on most of our shelves somewhere, but we rarely take the time to dive in. I believe that if I commit my life to learning, knowing, and living truth I might be "afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. (2 Cor 4:8-10) I pray that in Christ, this is the banner over my life, and that I will make an eternal impact.
As you know, our testimonies always keep going....the Lord still has a lot to teach me. As the Lord continues to shape and mold me in the image of Him...I will update my testimony.
Early Life
I grew up in a Christian home were my family believed that it was important to go to church. I had a loving mom and dad. They both wanted the best for me and always sacrificed what they could so that I would have a healthy, stable life. I was happy and loved, but little did I know at an early age that the Lord really wasn't in the center of our little family. Dont misunderstand that I am thankful for my parents and had a WONDERFUL childhood. They believed in Jesus and never hindered my faith in Him, but a walk with the Lord wasn't my family's first priority. I am sure that I heard the gospel many times as a child. My "Granddaddy Bobby" (as I lovingly call him) shared it with me a few times as a child, and really that is my first memory of hearing it. It wasn't until I went to Kanakuk Kamps, when I was 11 years old, that it finally clicked. My counselor shared the gospel with me after our nightly devos I knew that I was a sinner and that I needed Jesus Christ, so right there on the top bunk of barn 5 at K-4 (now called K-Kountry) I asked Jesus into my heart. This summer changed my life, but I went home that summer (1989) and continued living my life as any 11-year-old would.
The School Years
In school I made it my priority to be a good girl, not necessarily a godly girl. My grades were great, I was super involved, I didn't drink or party, and I had great friends. Due to a damaged youth program I did not have an outlet that encouraged me in my faith. God really used Kanakuk Kamps every summer to teach me the word, and challenge me. I remember a few devos and a few talks from my time at kamp, but what I remember the most were the staff. In Lawton, OK there was no one (that I knew at least :) that was as committed to the Lord as these people. They were fun and they loved the Lord. I looked up to those girls more than they would ever know. I hope I get to tell them someday. It was their example that the Lord used to guide me when no one else was there in my life. I had a few best friends that also believed in Jesus as well. They were also crucial in making it through highschool! The end of my sophomore year I started dating an older guy that was going off to college. I, like most christian highschool girls, was all about the high standard of dating in theory, but when the good-looking, popular boy came along that thought I was cute ....those standards went out the door. He was a great guy, but we didn't put ourself in great circumstances. I have no idea where he is in life but I am sure he is doing well with a wonderful family. The reality is, we were both in highschool, we were influenced by the world, and we had no idea how to control our emotions at age 16/18. We both believed in Jesus but those values didn't guide our actions. What I wanted trumped what I knew to be what Christ wanted for me. All that to say, for a year and a half I compromised. I was living for me, and really stuck in a relationship that didn't point me to the Lord. It affected every aspect of my faith. Finally, the summer before my senior year, my counselor at K-2 spoke truth into my life and I went home ready to be different. To do so, I had to end relationships that were not glorifying to the Lord. I had given a little bit of myself to him and it was harder than I thought. It took a few months but I finally realized what was important to me, my faith, and "threw off every hindrance that entangled me" (Heb 12:1) and started striving to run with endurance.
The College Years
I was invited to a biblestudy by the daughter of one my parents long time family friends. She was the sister of my best friend and she was really committed to her faith. I couldn't go to kamp that summer so I was glad that she invited me. At age 18, this was my first consistent bible study. I had never experienced the fellowship and accountability like this outside of Kanakuk. I loved it. It was a pivotal part of me making my faith my own. Lea Anne did something simple, and I don't think she realized it. She showed me, that what I found for two weeks at Kanakuk, could be found anywhere. I could have found it all thru highschool. It was when I got rid of the junk in my life that I was able to find it. I went to college and was firm in my commitment to make my relationship with Christ #1.
My freshmen year I fell back into being the good girl, not the godly girl. This path was again leading me to making "self" driven decisions instead of God directed decisions. I was focused on going to medical school, and grades were my only priority. I would go to Christian organizations, but I was not pursuing God's word at all. I started dating an athlete at my school. (I am living proof that two christians dating doesn't mean its a great relationship) I joined the same sorority as my summer biblestudy leader and she pulled me aside and called me out on the path I was following. I rebuked it...didn't listen, but boy did it stick with me. Then, I did what every former kamper of Kanakuk Kamps wants to do...I became a counselor at Kanakuk. I packed my trunk and headed toward Branson Missouri for 6 weeks of the most life changing summer since I started going there. This time, I was the one who would be teaching others. This time I would be the example. I remember a speaker during staff training week challenging me in 1 Corinthians 11:1. He said that this summer our ministry would simply be asking kids to "Follow me, as I follow Christ" He (well, really God through Him) dropped a huge bomb on me. I put myself in a position to be an example but I was not living a life worth following. The crazy thing is that I watched God use me in ways I could never have imagined. I was unqualified, broken, and unfaithful, yet...the Lord still loved me enough to use me. The only way I can describe His power working within me is by imagining what it felt for Peter to take a step of faith, get out of the boat, and experience God's power by walking on water. The 1989 summer at Kanakuk forever changed my life, but this summer changed the perspective in which I view life. I went home and committed to knowing God's word daily. I committed to be single until the Lord brought the right person into my life, and I committed to always putting myself in situations that would have a purpose bigger than myself. I chose Philippians 1:20-21 as my motivational life verse (basically, my ultimate goal in all endeavors):
"....according to my earnest expectation and hope, that I will not be put to shame in anything, but that with all boldness, Christ will even now, as always, be exalted in my body, whether by life or death. For me to live is Christ and to die is gain."
I chose Acts 4:13 as my operational verse (my method in accomplishing my ultimate goal)...
"Now as they observed the confidence of Peter and John and understood that they were uneducated and untrained men, they were amazed, and began to recognize them as having been with Jesus."
This verse was huge in the beginning of my love for the word. The only way I knew to truly be with Jesus, is spend time with Him in His word.
Ministry
My ministry began as a counselor at Kanakuk, but I chose to continue ministry with kids back at school. I was leading a bible study of my peers in my sorority, which I loved, but I knew that I had a passion for sharing the gospel with kids. My testimony was a huge part of this calling because it was a kid ministry that God used as an anchoring point in my life. Matthew 18: 4 states that "whoever humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." The bible tells us we are made to be in a relationship with the Lord. Jesus basically tells us that in your childhood you are most open to hearing about it. Children are teachable and ready to love and learn. I believe they truly are the most natural resource for the gospel. Matthew 3:5-6 states that "whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me; but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea." All my best friends were passionate about changing the college culture in the name of Christ. I love that aspect of ministry but I just kept looking around at the people around me in college and thought "what made these people stumble in the first place?" Most everyone, like me, has a stumbling block in their testimony that enables the sin within them and causes them to go the wrong direction. What if we got ahead of the game and set the foundation of Christ in people at a young age? I decided to volunteer for a youth ministry called K-Life. I eventually decided not to go through with medical school (much to my family's dismay) and chose a career with K-life full-time. I was pursuing medicine for the wrong reasons, and I have never regretted this decision in any way. God could have used me as a doctor, but He had placed a call on my life and I am so thankful I was obedient.
The Hard Times
I have been truly blessed in life, but I have had my fair share of tough times. The biggest struggle was when my parents got divorced when I was 21 years old. It rocked my world. It came out of no where, and there are wounds there that the Lord is still healing. I love my parents, but my eyes were opened to the belief systems that guided their life at that time. They were not the same as mine, and it was hard. I failed at ministry with family in so many ways, mostly by judging them and not praying for them. I was ready to be the bible scholar and tell them how they were going against God's will, yet I forgot that they were people with wounds and feelings. My family needed prayer and love FIRST from their daughter. I didn't allow the Holy Spirit to guide me in speaking truth. He would have known how to do it the right way. I have had to ask for forgiveness and literally start new. It has been a journey but I have learned so much from it all. It is clear to me why God does not allow divorce. It leaves wounds on all involved. It truly hinders a person's ability of being a true messenger of reconciliation. This was true in not only my parents relationship, but also in my relationship with them. Divorce has caused me to walk through some of my adult life believing there are some relationships that could not be reconciled. This is a lie All people and relationships can be reconciled in Christ, no matter how "bad" the person or how bad the relationship. If Christ isn't powerful enough for all sin and brokenness, then why believe in Him at all? Do I think my parents relationship could have been reconciled? Yes, I do. It was not my decision, but theirs. Coming to that conclusion is tough as a child of divorce. You can have a say, but in the end...its not your decision. I love my parents. They are both remarried to people who I love. Divorce was not the right choice, but God has taught me that He can use anyone who turns to Him at any point in their life. My parents have both wholeheartedly turned to the Lord and I have seen God work all things through the good of those who love Him. God has shown me the damage of divorce and I know that I never want to put my children through that experience. My standard for marriage and dating changed for the better through it all. I wasn't going to settle for marrying a Christian, but instead set my heart only on the person that God had for me. I knew that my single life would mean much prayer, patience and pickiness. As a wife I have learned that it takes just as much, if not more, committment when you are married. I am not above the sin of divorce, but I am prayerfully striving to do all I can to make sure I always approach my marriage from a biblical point of view, and love my spouse in the way the Lord loves me.
Stuck on Image
One huge part of my testimony is my struggle with my image. I never was diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I, at one time in my life, was consumed with having the perfect image. My family, as loving as they are, struggles with being an image driven family. My family has grown so much in the Lord, but growing up I felt the pressure to look pretty, be a good person, have it all together, and do well in all I did. My parents and family are very talented and I was held to high expectations. There is nothing wrong with being held to high expectations, but when all your expectations are based on temporal earthly goals...it becomes consuming. My pursuit of being the perfect person wore me down because life is really not in our control. When life became out of control (divorce, family death, stress) I chose to control the one thing that I felt I could, my body. I was consumed with what I ate and how I exercised. One of my summers was my lowest point but I was surrounded at Kanakuk by people who knew that I didn't want to live my life this way. With much accountability and some hard conversations the Lord got me back on track. Getting turned in the right direction is hard, but really when its done, it's the easiest part. Staying on track is what is tough. I truly believe I was able to stay on track only by the Lord and His power. He restored me by enabling the following:
- Friends coming together to pull me out of my own sin
- Placing me in an environment where I constantly heard and meditated on the word
- Finally, putting me in opportunities to serve others and get my mind off myself.
My Life Now
A few years of full-time youth ministry with K-Life Ministries taught me about discipleship, character, building into others, investing in a community, and how to have eternal vision. I loved my job in Arkansas but God had a plan to move me to Branson to work full-time for Kanakuk Kamps as the Assistant Director at K-1. I am still working here and committed to the goal of "revolutionizing the next generation for Christ." It was here that I met the man who the Lord had for me and I have been married for 5 years. Lee daily teaches me so much about my relationship with the Lord as we have set out to do life together. He is my companion and I am thankful that I get to walk with the Lord alongside of him. My love for the word continues to grow. I started this daily journey of reading it at age 21 and I just keep learning more and more. I am daily convinced of God and who He is. I am excited to learn about Him in so many more ways. We are living in the age of the deceiver who wants nothing but destruction for our lives. The Truth of Jesus Christ sits on most of our shelves somewhere, but we rarely take the time to dive in. I believe that if I commit my life to learning, knowing, and living truth I might be "afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. (2 Cor 4:8-10) I pray that in Christ, this is the banner over my life, and that I will make an eternal impact.
As you know, our testimonies always keep going....the Lord still has a lot to teach me. As the Lord continues to shape and mold me in the image of Him...I will update my testimony.
